Do I Want It Badly Enough?

I looked into the possibility of performing at a local event, but they are already all booked up. I wanted to do it badly, but didn't really check into this early enough.

Do I want it badly enough?

Do I want it enough to...

...learn my songs without a cheat sheet?
...look into performing opportunities?
...sacrifice time I would spend on family and writing to improve my guitar playing and singing?

My answer is, honestly, no.

But I have so much fun performing for others, it would be so cool to have the stage officially to myself for even an hour.

It's a scary proposition, putting yourself out there for people to criticize and judge. Already, I have gotten some criticism on my youtube channel. Nothing terribly mean. Not everyone's gonna like me, I know, but it still stung.

Do I want more of this?