My Musical Era

Sometimes I think I should have been born into the 40s and 50s, early 60s. I love the songs from that era, probably because my Dad used to sing them to me and my siblings for lullabies. And probably because I already gravitate towards Patsy Cline, Doris Day songs, that are suited to my alto voice.

This morning, I had a chance to sing at a local care center. The rec director had contacted me a few weeks ago. Apparently, I had signed up somewhere and he was getting around to calling on the list. I wasn't sure what to expect, as far as age of audience, but I guessed correctly that they might appreciate songs from the 40s and 50s. So I googled a few more to add to my binder. Here's a sampling of titles:

Blue Moon
Crazy
Sentimental Journey
Moon River
Mona Lisa
Unchained Melody
Amazing Grace
You are my sunshine

with Do your ears hang low? and Grandma's Feather Bed thrown in for comic relief. Also, one contemporary song, Outside My Window but that was about it (I decided to stick with the oldies because I wanted them to be familiar with the songs).

I got there a little late, they had already put on a movie and were reportedly "upset" when it seemed I wasn't going to show up. Flustered, I chit chatted while I set up my stuff. It was nice to have a microphone. I wasn't expecting that; it made it so much easier to sing. Then I jumped into my first song, Moon River.

Many were asleep, but some were alert, watching, mouthing the lyrics, nodding in recognition, clapping politely after each song. Song after song, I wondered what they remembered as I sang to them. Were they sad? Were they happy? I wondered what their lives were like before they sat in that wheelchair. They might not be as spry as they used to be, but their eyes shone with a youthful spirit.

Afterwards, one man said he owned 7 guitars and played in bands. I looked at his gnarled hands and wanted to give him my guitar to play, but I thought he might get offended if I offered.

It was such a pleasure bringing music to this group of folks. And the nice thing was, I genuinely enjoyed the songs.

On Co-Writing

I attended a co-writing meeting the other day. It was a group of about 50 people paired up in the genres of our preference. I told the "country" group that I like Sugarland, Rascal Flatts type of songs, and this lady raised her hand and said she did, too.

For the next half hour, we brainstormed a song. I wanted an upbeat love song and she seemed really open to it, too.

I discovered co-writing is fun and difficult for me.

Fun because we could piggyback on each others' efforts. Fun because it's cool when someone gets what you mean.

Difficult because it's hard for me to relinquish control of my own creative work. She had brought a laptop and was taking notes, and I wanted her to write down some phrases I had in mind, but she wasn't writing all of it. And I have a hard time letting someone else drive. As she formulated a melody (she had a beautiful voice), I told her, "Is it verse or chorus?" and she said, "I'm just playing with it."

I haven't been back since. I'm not sure co-writing is for me right now. But one thing's for sure. I want to complete that song. When she e-mails it to me, I will hunker down and see where it leads.

Another Open Mic

I played at another open mic last night. Sang five songs on my acoustic guitar:

Fishing in the dark (Nitty Gritty Dirt Band)
Ain't Nothing About You (Brooks and Dunn)
Landslide (Stevie Nicks)
Wishing on a Star (a song I wrote)
House that built Me (Miranda Lambert)

Boy, it was hot in the hot seat! But I still had a lot of fun. After my set, someone complimented me that I have a rich, resonant voice and articulate the words well. He said he sometimes has a hard time understanding some lyrics when people sing, and I couldn't agree with him more.

I played around 7:30 to a dinner crowd that was a nice audience. I propped open my song book, just in case. I really do need to practice without the cheat sheet more.

Last night was kind of an impulse thing, but I have decided if I want to do this more, I need to practice as much as I can in between. I also want to write more songs.

***
One of the guys who looked about 50-something said he wants to cut enough CDs to retire on. He was serious too. I thought, what are the chances, but heck, if he wants to go for it, good for him!

For me, it's just a release, a chance to get up in front of people and share my love of music. Would I want to do more public performances someday? Sure. But I'm not betting my IRA on it.

Do I Want It Badly Enough?

I looked into the possibility of performing at a local event, but they are already all booked up. I wanted to do it badly, but didn't really check into this early enough.

Do I want it badly enough?

Do I want it enough to...

...learn my songs without a cheat sheet?
...look into performing opportunities?
...sacrifice time I would spend on family and writing to improve my guitar playing and singing?

My answer is, honestly, no.

But I have so much fun performing for others, it would be so cool to have the stage officially to myself for even an hour.

It's a scary proposition, putting yourself out there for people to criticize and judge. Already, I have gotten some criticism on my youtube channel. Nothing terribly mean. Not everyone's gonna like me, I know, but it still stung.

Do I want more of this?

Open Mic

I did it. I sang at open mic for the very first time. Squee!

I signed up for a time slot at an awesome joint's open mic and performed five songs tonight:

Give Me One Reason by Tracy Chapman
I'm Alive by Dave Matthews and Kenny Chesney
You're Lyric to My Melody by yours truly
Ain't No Sunshine by Bill Withers
The House That Built Me by Miranda Lambert

Although it was 8 p.m., the place still had some very full tables and the crowd was great. I was a little nervous at first. When we were doing sound check, I forgot that my guitar has a volume knob. Hopefully vocals and guitar came off good. Sound system was excellent, for a small venue. I love having an acoustic electric.

I had my song book open but rarely referred to it. It was open "just in case". I liked engaging the audience in eye contact, and some people were complimentary. I know it was just "open mic" but I still feel like I reached a new level tonight with my singing and guitar endeavors. I love love love the fact that I could perform on a guitar and accompany myself. I am over the moon about that. I feel like I can do anything musically speaking. Guitar is such a beautiful and portable instrument!

What I loved: when some of the rowdies would hush at parts of my songs, when people were really paying attention to me, when my songs came off like I'd planned!

I hope to go to more in the future, though I am limited as far as our family's schedule. But tonight was a start. I feel more confident that if I aspire to perform at a community event like the county fair, i could do this. I plan to write more songs to perform in the future. I am leaning towards a blues/country feel to my songs.

Sometimes I feel guilty because my music is kind of a distraction from my writing, but I like to think of it as enriching me as a person. I love having music in my life!

New Songs

So after the songwriting class, I went home stoked. I wrote a ballad called "This Pain Will Pass" which was a rich piece, but unfornately, a little like bread that is really yeast heavy. So I let that one rest while I whipped up another one based on an object-writing piece I wrote on "spring". It was about forbidden love.

My 14 year old daughter listened to it and she said it was okay. Politely, eyes averted. I asked her which one I should share, this new one called "Secret You and Me" or the first one I wrote from last year called "Wishing on a Star"? She said "Wishing". Which clued me in that maybe this new song wasn't so hot. My husband called the "Secret You and Me" an "affair" song.

So with heart about as heavy as that yeast bread, I set out to write a new set of lyrics. Yesterday, I tweaked it and came up with something I thought was infinitely better. It is a love song (nothing illicit!), "You're Lyric to Melody" which was a lot of fun to write. And I owe it all to my oldest daughter.

She's a great critiquer because she is honest if she doesn't like something. If she squirms then I know I have pushed the envelope. If she says it's good, she means it. She also gives me suggestions of alternate phrases especially to poetry, which she writes.

***
I took my song to a songwriter's critique meeting last night. I just had to go this time if only to redeem myself from the Christmas party.

Right before I performed my new song, I stared at the page thinking I have forgotten it! Fortunately once I started strumming, I remembered. (It was so cool to have my own acoustic-electric guitar to play, and it sounded great!)

The critique: my audience liked the musical metaphors I used. But they said I could vary, take up a notch, the chorus. Someone said she liked the "organic grassy" feel of the song. Mmm, Norah Jones? Colbie Caillat style?

(I felt bad critiquing this one guy about his song, but I guess it is part of being a songwriter, having a thick skin? And I was a little paranoid about sharing my song, especially after the president/host passed around a release form for us to sign we won't sue for plagiarism!, but I guess if someone actually thought my song was brilliant enough to be copied than I am lucky.)

I will take this feedback and revise my song in time for the second and last part of my songwriting workshop Saturday.

My husband calls songwriting my latest obsession. Sigh. Coz it is so true.

First Songwriting Class

I arrived just a few minutes before class started. My classmates were mostly men, with maybe five girls/women out of a total of thirty. What does that say about songwriters? Our instructor had an Irish name and I kept wanting to ask her if she was from Ireland, but I forgot.

I picked a chair with a turquoise-covered notebook, and then switched it at the last minute with a colorful striped one with a purple pencil. I was wearing purple that day, and I don't know why color matters to me so much, but I figured if you are going to go through the day picking things out, you might as well pick things that make you happy.

When I introduced myself, I said I had been in a band before, which I later felt silly doing because, well, what did it matter, really? Especially since some other members of the class later said they were also in bands.

The teacher spent some time talking about her experiences, which were interesting, though I wish she could have said a little bit more about stuff that I could have related to. And then she launched into the technical aspects of songwriting. Here are the major points I learned:

Keep it simple.

Keep it simple.

Keep it simple.

And then we went into object-writing afterwards. She gave us a prompt: mirror. It was like being at the edge of a cliff and diving in. I didn't know exactly what to expect, and I found things that I didn't even know existed! I posted my piece here.

What I learned from object-writing:

Evoke emotion. Someone shared their horror-themed entry, which was cool, but for me it didn't resonate emotionally.

Be specific. My classmates really liked it when I wrote: "It was always dusty and full of stray powders that spilled from the cheap makeup I bought at a store on Katipunan Road."

Use all senses. That is how a scene comes alive.

Bonus: I tried object-writing when I was stuck in my novel, and it forced me to write a scene more vivid than anything I have written lately.

***
Next week, we get to share a song! I am excited/nervous/purple.

My New Baby

I brought home my new Crafter acoustic-electric guitar yesterday. Beautiful, mellow sound and the action is low, which is nice.

My son inherits my Ibanez guitar. I told him he can play it whenever he wants. He says, "I will, but probably not all the time."

It'll be interesting to see if he becomes interested in the guitar. I hope so.

Songwriting Class

I signed up for a songwriting class two Saturdays in February. There will be an open mic at the end. I am tempted to pre-write a song before the class. But I think I will wait to take the class and see what direction it takes me.

Closer

I think I have about enough saved up for a new acoustic electric guitar, especially after my mom and dad's very generous Christmas cash gift.

Which is amazing, since I have usually frittered away my personal savings on clothes. I anticipate the guitar will make me look better (well, I'll still have clothes on, of course!).

I'm so excited!

***
I played carols at my mother-in-law's and niece's birthday party. I feel silly about "putting myself out there" so much, but it was great. It helped smooth the party anyway since the lunch fare was taking longer to cook than expected. I love playing the guitar and singing!!

***
I realized I didn't post about my recent "gig" at a nursing home with my girls. Last week they performed piano pieces with their piano teacher's group. I tagged along too and played my guitar, sang. There were four residents, only one of whom really got into our performance, but it was so worth it. I loved that intimate connection which a guitar gives me with an audience. After everyone played, the one resident said, "Are you leaving already?" in a crushed voice so I offered to play some carols. It was fun to bring music to these ladies.

I was disappointed that I didn't push through with my guitar class this quarter and thus didn't perform in a recital with them, but I feel like I am still creating musical opportunities for myself. My first priority is my writing but for some variety and spice in my life I will play and sing at every chance I get.

Partying With Songwriters

A writer/musician friend of mine invited me to a holiday party for Utah-based Nashville songwriters, producers, etc. I just had to go, if nothing else, out of curiosity. And it sounded like fun.

They said to bring a holiday song to share.

For several days, I tried to come up with something brilliant, but couldn't. Finally, I realized my song Wishing On a Star could be changed to Wishing on A Christmas Star.

Voila, a holiday song.

***
I don't know what I expected, I guess a mansion on a hill somewhere, not the modest two-story I came to.

The already assembled crowd of about 20 people was gregarious, welcoming. Songwriters are an interesting breed. They have the sensibility of writers - introverted and poetic - and yet always looking for a public forum to showcase their work.

I love mingling with other writers, don't get me wrong. But the combination of music and writing is just so much more multi-dimensional, I'd have to say songwriters seem a more dynamic bunch. Not so angsty.

***
Our host's living room was set up for a mini-concert hall. Chairs facing the fireplace and a multitude of instruments. After two men performed their compositions, I stood up and asked the last person if I could borrow his bowl-backed Ovation.

Changing the lyrics the last minute was crazy. I kind of messed up on a few and didn't exactly rhyme my verses. But my chorus was strong. And I got through the song. Polite applause at the end, with a compliment about my voice.

What I learned:

Don't tweak lyrics at the last minute. If you do, offer your performance as part of a comedy routine.

Relax. I felt tense, hunched over my borrowed guitar and I'm sure that didn't do my voice a favor.

Polish. A group of songwriters is no karaoke bar. Their expectations are slightly higher than the average adoring family party.

Have fun. At the same time, music is for everyone, not just some exclusive group. So what if your song isn't a certain style? Who says one style is correct?

Play anyway. I re-learned the guitar just to write this song. I could've been like the girl in front of me who said she had a song but didn't have music for it. She could have played her song with tambourines.

Bring your own instrument, if possible. That's the operative word: if possible. I am still saving up for a nicer guitar. I could have brought mine, but at least if I sucked I could only blame it on my singing, not my guitar.

Study. Create. Learn. Repeat. I have a lot to learn still, but meanwhile, I will perform at the level I can.

***
I don't know if I'll stay involved with the group, but I know I will continue to write songs. Maybe even collaborate with my friend.

First Solo Gig

After a couple of wrong turns, I finally found the venue with minutes to spare. And here I was thinking I should have brought my library copy of Slumdog Millionaire to pass the time. The occasion was for a festival of lights that a new high school was hosting. I had signed up to perform from 6-7, before a school production of Footloose.

Mr. L was setting out a box of donuts to sell when I came in. There was a small hall to the left with beautifully lit Christmas trees and I wondered if I was to perform in there, but he pointed towards the school lobby, about a 30 by 30 foot echo-ey area which concerned me because I wondered about acoustics. He explained that people would be lining up and going through there to get to the musical. I could choose where to set up.

I picked a spot by the donuts and silent auction table, between the lobby and the Christmas tree hall, so I can get some exposure but not get run over. Already, my vocal chords were tired because of practicing over the guitar at home, so when they found a teacher who loaned me a wireless mike to clip to my shirt, I was so grateful.

(I would really love to amp up someday soon. I'd love having my own mike and acoustic/electric guitar. But this still worked.)

Next to me was a set of stairs where two girls from student government hung out as they "babysat" the trees and the refreshments table. I took out my guitar, my song book, and launched into Christmas carols.

A few groups of students paused and eyed me curiously or with surprise. Some grown-ups, arriving for Footloose, stopped and smiled at me. An elderly couple with their granddaughter hung out for several minutes. I asked the little girl what song she wanted from my songlist. We settled on Rudolph (note to self: learn other "audience participation" songs) and she sang along with me.

A woman stopped and looked at my song book. "Ah, so you're the entertainment? You have a beautiful voice."

At 7, a frazzled-looking Mr. L came by and said, "Maybe another 15 minutes?" Which was good, because I was already recycling some songs. I ended strong with Rocking Around The Christmas Tree which is one of my favorite songs.

As I packed up, the two girls complimented me on my performance. "How long have you been playing the guitar?" one asked. They made me feel that even though I wasn't exactly rocking the joint with songs high school kids could jam to, they appreciated my singing.

My audience was sparse, there wasn't really a line to speak of, and only a few people came by for donuts or the trees. But I loved every minute. I loved bringing the spirit of Christmas to this high school that was also trying to bring Christmas to others. I felt like a "real" musician and I think I did a good job of being professional even though I was quaking inside.

This could grow on me.

Two "Gigs"

Well I have gone and done it. I volunteered myself as an alto to our church choir director and she has assigned me to sing in a trio for our Christmas program. I was terrified at the prospect when I looked at the music. But I am learning it, better and better each time.

Practiced for the first time today with two ladies. They are both very good singers. Especially one, who just learned her part today and sings effortlessly. She has a strong soprano voice. Some people just have that gift. Amazing.

I loved singing low to her high part. I am excited to arrive at a place where we can sing smoothly and harmonize. It's a relief that we don't both sing high because comparisons will be inevitable.

***
I will also be performing next week at a local festival of lights. I will sing while playing the guitar. My first public performance involving the acoustic guitar. I will mostly sing Christmas, though I'd love to throw in a few pop songs.

***
These songs are so different from what I was singing just a couple of months ago. These make me feel good and lift me up.

Live Strings

I changed the strings on my guitar last night. What a difference they make.

So now I can play any Eric Clapton, Tracy Chapman, Heart, that I want.

:-)

Seriously, I like to think I just might sound better than I did on my Youtube videos. I am taking nic4strings' advice to heart.

***
I am still on the hunt for a guitar. Meanwhile, I will enjoy my old guitar's new lease on life.

A Pink Guitar

Last night, I checked out a pink acoustic electric guitar I saw for sale on KSL. I tried to see by phone if it might be a good match for me. The lady said it had been hers, used only twice. A Dean that didn't show up on Google.

So I went to the house and I could tell right away that apart from the blindingly pink color, it didn't have a lot to recommend it. I tried it anyway. It wouldn't hold a tune and it sounded worse than mine. So I thanked her and left quickly.

I would have loved a pink guitar, but I guess I am back to looking at the "normal" ones.

***
I borrowed a friend's daughter's amp to plug the guitar in just in case I was serious (I didn't.) At her house, my friend showed me her daughter's room. It was decorated with a couple of old-fashioned records on one wall, green and black motif room. Very spotless, with a white electric guitar in the corner. This girl is so lucky! She has the electric, a black acoustic, and for Christmas will most likely get an acoustic electric.

And then I got thinking of all the money we spend on horses, and how by now I could have a Taylor.

Life doesn't work that way though. Horses in our life are a given. But I still want a nice guitar. I'm getting there!

Tears and Cheers

Songs I am working on:

Tears in Heaven - How do they do it? I see people on Youtube play this song so beautifully. I think I have the first three tabs down, ha ha. How long before I will be playing like them, I wonder? All I know is the day I get this song down with more than just chords, I will be very pleased with myself.

Moon River - My kids request this song for a lullaby all the time, I decided I might as well learn it.

Someone's Waiting For You - This is also a requested lullaby.

Getting My Head On Straight

I am emerging from a fog. A fog of guitar-playing, Youtube posting, and wanting to launch a local solo performing career, a notion that bit me, oh, about three weeks ago, when I quit my rock band.

As fun as music is, I need to get my head on straight. I have been writing for far longer, with far more success than I have been performing or playing the guitar. And I can't let all that go by the wayside. I remind myself that I have aspirations of crafting good stories, having a novel good enough to attract an agent, and ultimately, publication.

What will it take for me to make this happen?

Write. Write. Write.

I still aim to perform this December at a couple of small, local events, but other than that, I have to put my writer hat back on.

Because it is the "write" thing for me to do. And published novelists rock!

Guitar Shopping

This past Saturday, I stopped at a guitar store with my girls on the way home to check out acoustic electric guitars. We passed a crowd of spiky hair, tattooed, be-ringed goth-types to get into a smaller room of acoustic guitars.

I wish I could spring for one of the ones in an even smaller room, the thousand dollar ones and then some, but I couldn't so I focused on the 200-500 dollar range ones. Relieved to see that more isn't necessarily better. I tried a 600 dollar one and I didn't like its sound. I also decided I don't like the smaller Ovations. Too weird to cradle almost-nothing in my lap.

I really liked the Fender All Dao. The salesman also tried to tempt me with a used 100 W amp for 175, which has 3 inputs and 1 output. I giggled at the irony if I would have gone home with an amp but without the guitar to plug in it. I would absolutely love to have both at the same time, but I really should focus on the guitar first...I can always borrow an amp if I need to.

So with superdiscipline, I said thank you and left the store empty-handed to sleep on it.

***
At church today, I told our choir director that if she ever needed an alto for a special number at the Christmas program, I would be willing to sing.

A first for me, saying that I am willing to sing at a church program. Whether or not they ask me, we'll see, but at least I said I would.

***
I filmed myself singing Teardrops on My Guitar because a friend requested it. After several aborted attempts, posted it on a certain social network. Then I checked out other Youtube covers of the song; considered posting it there. Ah, never mind. There are some really great singers - it's a popular song to cover - and I do not want to open myself up to ridicule by strangers.

Listening to some Youtube videos of guitarists, I cringe at my amateurish attempts. Who am I kidding? I have a long, long way to go.

I suppose I could just stop right here and say, I should stick to writing, but a part of me still wants to perform. What I need is some time and patience with myself. And a nicer guitar.

Enough

"The past is a great place and I don't want to erase it or to regret it, but I don't want to be its prisoner either." - Mick Jagger

"Don't dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer." - Denis Waitley

"We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." - Walt Disney

I Have It. Bad.

There has got to be an OCD term for wanting to play guitar all the time because I have it. Bad.

Deep breath, Jewel. You need some balance.

But you know, Taylor Swift had it, too. That obsession, I mean. When she discovered guitar, she played until her fingers bled and her mother taped them for her before she went to school.

My fingers are just hard-callused, so I don't have it as bad. I wonder what my life would be like now if I had discovered guitar as a teenager.

***
Speaking of Taylor Swift, I googled Teardrops On My Guitar yesterday and found a GCDEm version which was heaven to play and sing. If my teenage daughter, who loves Taylor Swift songs, was impressed, she didn't show it. Maybe she was just trying to be ultra-cool.

I also found Ain't No Sunshine. Oooh. Very nice.

The fun thing about accompanying myself is I can sing songs at my range right off. And even the strumming pattern can be part of expressing the song. I thought karaoke was the cat's meow, but now I know better.

***
I don't know how my kids feel about my latest diversion/obsession. I sing lullabies to them now with the guitar; I've come a long way from my muddy chords three months ago. I think my son is intrigued by the instrument, and we've talked about me teaching him how to shred, I mean, play the guitar; maybe when I replace my current guitar, I'll have him learn on it. My oldest is always playing the piano when there is down time, so I suspect she can relate to my love of guitar.

***
Last night, I was going to have guitar class, but it would have just been me, so the teacher gave me the option of just attending next week's.

(I am such a flake about this class thing. I want to learn through class, but honestly, I feel like I am learning just by playing songs. What I really want is to perform with the class, so maybe I could just focus on lining up opportunities for me to perform solo in public? Sigh. I cannot make up my mind.)

So I opted to not go, and instead as a family on a rare open week-night, we went out to eat to celebrate my hubby's birthday.

I loved being with my family. I loved not having such a late Thursday. I know it's for the best, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss Thursday night band practice. Maybe not so much the politics, which is just part of being in a group. But the musical give-and-take and that rush from a weekly "performance". I admit to being disappointed that they have moved on and I am, well, dispensable. But really, what did I expect? Maybe I will have to google the David Lee Roth support group.

After practicing pretty much weekly for the last six months, I suppose my system has to adjust to this loss of routine. Thank goodness for my own singing and guitar playing, or I'd probably have a harder time of it.

***
More songs on my "can play" list:

Bubbly - Colbie Caillat
Teardrops On My Guitar - Taylor Swift
Ain't No Sunshine - Bill Withers
Poems, Prayers and Promises - John Denver