Baring My Soul

Thursday night, I went to practice late and frazzled. Thank goodness for my husband who has been very supportive about getting me to band practice, even if it means he has to be the only parent taking our kids to 4-H horse practices while I take kids to soccer and church activities before I zip to practice.

If you are reading this, dear, thank you!!

Sang Stand By Me for the second time and shocked the band and me. I don't know if it's just that I've been singing consistently for weeks now, but my voice sounded deeper and richer. Went better than the first practice, when I was so nervous and not really cutting loose.

I cut loose so much that I did the growls for I love Rock n Roll. I also harmonized the chorus of It Makes No Difference. That was fun. I love experimenting. I also feel more confident about my singing and trying new things.

***
I read a book recently written by the Five Browns (the five siblings who play piano together) called Life Between the Keys and loved this quote from Desirae Brown:

I know what I like in a performer. Some people in the industry call it the "x factor" or "that special something". I think it's generosity. Great performers open up to an audience and bare their soul. These special artists aren't thinking of what the audience is thinking of them. They are completely lost in the moment, in a memory, in a sound, in a feeling. Seeing such a performer is so satisfying because you walk away feeling what they were feeling.

I felt like that on Thursday. I felt like I gave my all, and resisted the urge to "hide" behind demureness. And when I was done, I felt so exhausted, so tired I felt like crawling to the car. (I didn't.) I thought I would sleep good, but I was still so keyed up I couldn't sleep even though I had an early start the next day driving at 5 a.m. to go to a writer's conference.

I hope I can give my all not just as a performer, but as a novelist as well.

One Of the Boys?

I arrived at practice Thursday to the band playing 867-5309 (Jenny). I'd heard that song on the radio the other day and I thought it was a fun song, but obviously male-specific.

Took turns picking songs to sing.They like my rendition of House of the Rising Sun. "When you put yourself into your song, when you cut loose, it's great," R said.

I love What I like about you, but was the last song of our "gig" songs picked. This time I hit all the Heys, and that helped the band stay on rhythm. Band seemed pleasantly surprised to hear me sing I wanna be sedated and What's so funny. L said I wanna be sedated sounds good with my voice. They had me sing an original composition of L's, Bad Drivers, and that was fun.

I'm feeling like "one of the boys".

As I left, they picked up again on 867-5309, and I couldn't help but wonder if they miss that all-guy jamming atmosphere. I mean they seem to be having fun, but I'm sure it's different.

***
New things this week:

I will be learning the harmonica (or 'harp' in rock lingo). I got one, but it's in the wrong key (C). I need one in A for What I like about you. I didn't know this about harps!

I dusted off my guitar from years ago and was excited to be able to play Michael Buble's Home and recognize the chords.

I play the piano with more confidence nowadays. For example, I am trying some Elton John songs on the piano that I hadn't even cracked open before.

My husband says I am "music-obsessed" nowadays.I think the difference is, this band validation makes me play/sing/try with more confidence.

Humbled

I was wrong.

When I started practising with the band, I told them I wouldn't like:

What's so funny by Elvis Costello

and

I Wanna Be Sedated by Ramones

Now why did I do that? I googled the songs last night. Wow, I can see why R really likes them.

I will surprise them at tonight's practice and offer to sing them. With these new songs that I'd never in a million years would have listened to, let alone learn, I feel like I am visiting a different universe.

PS I also didn't know that when The Clash sings Should I Stay or Should I Go, they sing back-up in Spanish for part of it.

Karaoke Vs. Live Band

Karaoke has no politics. Karaoke doesn't involve e-mails that you bite your nails over wondering if you are crossing the line between bossy and assertive (about playlist choices). With karaoke, I can pick my songs. I can sing what I want. I don't have to worry about what four other people think.

Make that four strangers.

The weirdest thing about jumping in as lead singer for a band that has been rocking together for three years is I am the upstart and they know each other and I haven't the foggiest clue who they are.

Well, I'm getting bits and pieces here and there:

L is getting married in June. He's played guitar since 1977. R is single. B is divorced, has a son and loves to snowboard. D is a grandpa and played for a band back when.

It's like a girl trying to break into a boy's club. They have their secret language, they work together (literally), they know what makes the others tick.

Karaoke is easier. The music is constant and unchanging. No surprises.

But singing with a live band...man, it's just amazing. This past Friday, I practiced for a couple of hours, and I could have gone on and on. The energy, the feeling of people making music together, is just fabulous. When I put myself in my song, and really internalize it, and then at the end, realizing I had been a part of creating art, wow! And I feel like I am growing in confidence with my singing voice; even at church I can hear myself sing.

It's like "You sing with a band, Jewel, you have permission to sing it out."

Sometimes, however, I am racked with self-doubt. I tried the piano piece for "Lean on Me" and I flubbed the notes. And there are moments when I think of myself as "lead singer" a voice says: Who do you think you are??

Still.

My voice is a revelation to me, does that sound full of myself? What I mean is...I am reveling in my God-given voice, the range my voice was designed for. Not reaching for soprano. But low, Joan Jett bite, with a bit of folk edge to it that I'd never been aware of before.

And after some songs, the guys say, "Great vocals," or "Good practice!"

That's how live band trumps karaoke.

Playlist

Our band voted, and these are the songs we have decided on to practice the next few weeks and perform for our next gig (possibly late May):

I love rock n roll - Joan Jett
Lean on Me - Bill Withers
Ican't tell you why - Eagles
Sunshine of your love - Cream
All day and all of the night - Kinks
What I like about you - Romantics
Runaway - Del Shannon
House of the rising sun - Bob Dylan

I'm glad they put this to a vote so everyone feels involved. And relieved...all the songs I voted for are on the list.

I'm no green girl, but...

Since I've started singing with the band, I have been listening to more classic rock music and looking at lyrics, so I can make suggestions for our playlist.

I'm no green girl, but zoinks, have I actually been listening to that music? Some of the songs are quite sexual in nature, and I've had to stop mid-karaoke so my kids (and I) don't have to listen to them. An example: Rolling Stones' Satisfaction.

My husband said, "Does that surprise you?"

Thankfully, before I signed up to be the singer for this band, I told the guys upfront that I would not sing anything overtly sexual/crude/pro-alcohol-or-drugs in nature so I didn't have to cover my kids' ears.

*overtly* Even the subtle ones are disturbing.

I wonder if songs from the man's point of view have this issue more than ones from the woman's point of view. Before you put a hex on me, understand that I am not making a generalization on how men are, just seems that some of the rock songs I've come across are from the male point of view and some lyrics can be really frat-party material.

I 'll have to check out some from both camps and compare.

First Official Practice

I had my first practice as an official member of our band in the middle of the day today. How weird was that, not running to Wal-Mart to shop or run an errand for my family, but rather to go to someone's basement for a couple of hours to sing with a band.

The easy thing about being a vocalist is I don't have any extra instruments to carry. But the other guys, they haul all this stuff. I especially feel sorry for D, because he has such a huge drum set. Not that he's miserable.

This is the set-up: There's a microphone in the middle for me. R stands to my right, B behind him, R to my left and D behind him. They have a nice-sounding system. I'm so used to my karaoke microphone that makes my voice sound tinny, theirs makes my voice sound rich. Today I "ate" the mike and that gave me more volume.

They recorded our songs today and gave me a CD from our last jam session. (Wow, did I just write 'jam session'?) I think the song that came off the best was Sunshine of Your Love. These guys can really play, and it's fun to pick them out in the recordings.

Today, I discovered that I prefer the Bob Dylan folk-version of House of the Rising Sun. The band practiced a couple of my favorites, Lean on Me and I love Rock and Roll and I really appreciated that even though the songs are not their usual fare, the band made a special effort to learn them.

Halfway through, I just had to turn around to and tell them how much fun I was having.

They have songs they want to play that I don't think will be a good fit for my voice, and sadly, I don't know if we'll get to any Sheryl Crow soon, but I understand. Like R said, he leans toward more of the rock standards. I agree; I think the more consistent we are on our song picks, the better it would be for the audience's experience. It would not do to have Cream one moment and Debbie Gibson the next. Unless we amp up the Gibson song, throw in a couple of growly "Owws" and add drums or something.

Growling is not for the timid. I have some work to do in this area. Joan Jett is a hard act to follow. I did the bongos for Horse with no Name and by next time I will have learned the keyboard part for Lean on Me. If I don't take away anything else from this, I would be stretching myself musically.

R commented that when he set up the time he didn't even think to check if I could do it during the day. They could because they have the day off. So I explained to a quiet room that I am a stay at home mom with school-age children which I defended by saying I was also a freelance writer, so my time was flexible...and I felt foolish because in essence I am a housewife with a lot of free time to take up hobbies like being the lead singer of a rock band and writing.

Phooey. I'm going to focus on the joy and not overanalyze this amazing experience.